The power of inner resilience – when you are feeling ‘broken’
The ‘masks’ we wear on a regular basis, can cover up a multitude of feelings, of fears, of setbacks, of self doubt and of major health challenges.
10 years ago this photo reflecting so many of those emotions, supported by my eldest daughter who was almost 6 at the time.
The situation was a combination of anxiety, stress, fear, a feeling of ‘giving up’ and more importantly the feeling of no more please – I’m broken !!! In the reflective words, from the song “The Streets of Philadelphia”,
“I was bruised and battered, I couldn’t tell what I felt,
I was unrecognisable to myself.
I saw a reflection in a window, I didn’t know my own face………
At night I could hear the blood in my veins”
This was 4 months into chemotherapy treatment for stage 4 blood cancer – Yip in the medical world is regarded as a non curable cancer, but with treatment can be managed.
My energy had been ‘battered’ for 4 months and as a father of 2 young girls at the time, working full time, stressed and facing my own mortality, well I was struggling. Anxiety levels high, sleep deprivation, peripheral neuropathy in both hands, enduring weeks of toxins being pumped into my body, and trying to keep a brave face on it. Not easy.
What do you say to your kids as they see some of the signs of fatigue, hair loss, not able to tie their shoe laces of have the ability to function to play lego or the concentration levels to play with them either at home or in the swing park.
The pivoting moment after 4 months being told by my medical hematologists, ‘We have good news and ok news. Good news you are doing great, bad news you need another month of intense treatment’. At that point, the introduction of many four letter words, starting with the 6 letter of the alphabet, escaped from my vocabulary as well as sitting in the car later in the day, in tears, thinking ‘No more, I’m done’.
Drawing on my ‘village’ including myself, psychologists, support team and more importantly the love of my girls (the younger one at the time was only 3) helped me through these darks times. The photo reflecting my daughter telling me, “Daddy go fight this and punch it away, you can do this”.
Fast forward to today, cancer free (It ain’t coming back, as my Haematologist, on several occasions, has said you should have relapsed several times since your diagnosis in 2012, what are you doing?)
A few areas helped:
Asking for and having the mindset to receive help.
The power of real food for real health. Yes animal protein, real fats, salts and eliminating sugars for nutrition
Eliminating Stress. Yes, off the corporate treadmill pathway to a new platform of educating, evagelising and encouraging people to ‘value their most important asset in life – one’s health’
The power of hugs from loved ones.
More details can be found on my website